It has been a looooooooong while, but I figured this was as good a place as any to record my thoughts. Last month (September), I decided to take the advice of Cal Newport and do a 30-day Facebook fast. I have my own struggles with his book Deep Work as I narrated here, but I thought it would be interesting to not only leave Facebook for a month, but to be intentional about tracking my experience in doing so. On Newport's recommendation, I didn't announce I was taking a hiatus, but I did write to a select few who might a) actually notice I was gone and b) who might be alarmed if I didn't note their birthdays or other important occasions/posts with a Facebook response.
The responses I received to that email were the first part of my lesson. I was rewarded with actual responses of support and a desire to know how it went (so, this post is for all y'all!). So, I've decided to do a little run down of my most cogent observations and how the experience changed as the month went on, as well as the startling experience of today, my first day back.
I did have one "cheat" day---I posted and looked on a local forum when my entire neighborhood smelled of smoke. Turned out there was a subway car (thankfully in a yard) on fire.
Day 1 (don't worry---I won't record all thirty days) insights
PROS:
- spousal narration of what's on Facebook more interesting when I haven't already seen it
- less inclined to check other social media in general (transferred guilt), although I did check Instagram
- much more conscious of my need to vent! Even though I've thwarted my venting on Facebook, it is often after I delete what I've written. This is forcing me to figure out other (healthier?) routes.
- FOUND TIME. Amazing how many 2-5 minute work tasks you can find when Facebook isn't the go to. It wasn't so much about the time, but the consciousness of those five minutes here and there. They took on greater value.
- Feeling WAY less burdened by EVERYONE's hot take on EVERYTHING.
- Increased mindfulness in general
- Slight FOMO, but not missing hot takes, sanctimony, or rants
- Felt a little...lonely. That's worth looking into.
- THREE times on the first day, I MINDLESSLY clicked on a different app on my phone because the icon is where the Facebook icon was. That was a bit unsettling, although I consider it a PRO that I noticed it at all!
Over the next 30 days my biggest takeaways:
- Not being able to vent on Facebook necessitated other ways of processing (or processing in general, which is not the same as venting). That's probably a big win from this experiment.
- I took note of when I felt the urge to share. Much of the time it was the minutiae that seems insignificant for an actual conversation (did you notice the MFA changed it's logo?). I found that most of the time I wanted to post, it was humorous or lighthearted. I gave up on using Facebook as a platform for meaningful discussion awhile back. My focus on activism has been more solitary or directed through my work with ETUDE or Community Cooks.
- I caught myself on the Instagram reel vortex, as I like to call it. I had already decided Instagram was still allowed, partially because I use it for ETUDE, but I was only supposed to check it occasionally and post less frequently. I hopped on Foursquare, so clearly I had some sort of craving for some kind of social media engagement...but what? Just procrastination? Was it connected to anxiety about the semester starting?
From my Evernote journal about this experiment:
If you know me well, you know I loathe the phone. That hasn't changed, but not being on Facebook made me a tad more conscious about events/celebrations on my radar screen without the assistance of Facebook, so I called two dear friends whose wedding I officiated many moons ago. It was a surprise to all of us that my voice was on the line, I think.
On the busiest weeks, it actually came to feel like a RELIEF not to be on Facebook. I also found myself more grateful for the friends who knew of my fast and who sent me the occasional cute picture or meme via text. I was grateful that these friends wrote to me and communicated outside of Facebook. That solidified what I already suspected about the people I hold closest to me in my life. Facebook or no, they are there.
But it was today, October 1, when I broke my fast, that I had the most jarring experience. I was on FB for the first time, and my home church's page popped up with an alert that they were going live. Now, I have occasionally watched the services on Sundays, but the time difference with California makes it a bit difficult because it breaks up my day. But I was surprised to see a notification about it on a Saturday.
It turns out it was a streamed memorial service for someone who meant a lot to me. Someone who died on September 2. Two days in to my "fast." This was how I found out she died. I wept and shared the news with my spouse who had also not been on FB for quite some time. We both watched the service. This was a woman who had met me when I was 18. This was a woman who was at my wedding. And as I watched I felt grateful for whatever coincidence or grace made it happen that I should be able to see the service on FB. It was healing in its own way.
So...what now?
Even at the start of this experience there was a part of me that felt selfish. Like I was abandoning people. And I suppose I'm slightly resentful that in truth, I was. I didn't have expectations that people should reach out to me otherwise (although some did), but there were things that happened that I only could have known through Facebook and that's the part I don't like. But that's too difficult to fix. It's a reality of how social media works.
But I also know that I can change my relationship to social media. My current plan is to check in once a week (I haven't decided what day yet). I don't need to share every thought and frustration. I need to think about reinvesting in things like cards and phone calls. That won't be easy (especially the phone calls), but I'll work on it. I'm pleased that a month away afforded me the time to really reflect on my relationship to social media (and I think that's essential...it wasn't just about "not doing Facebook" for a month). I can't promise I won't miss things. I may be less timely in responding. But the me who responds is someone who is probably healthier than I was before--a bit more measured and balanced. I value most of the connections I have there and I am fine with that (sorry, Mr. Newport). In the long run, I think a more intentional and mindful use of Facebook will be beneficial for me, as well as the people with whom I interact.
If you feel a bit sucked into Facebook, I recommend trying this experiment. The important element is to keep a journal or some other method of recording how you FEEL. You may surprised by what you learn.
